CHRISTMAS AT THE DOOR

I was sad I had no shoes until I saw a man with no legs.

Like play like play, December will soon reach. Like say na joke, Christmas is one month away, 2015 is around the corner. Whilst trying to meet my checklist for 2014 ASAP so I can actually have a playful, work free Christmas, I'm reminded of those who don't have the opportunities I have, who can't flex and have fun like I can.
Its 1am and I'm thinking of those families who may not be able to cook Christmas rice, those kids who don't know what it feels like to have christmas dress and I'm thankful for how God has blessed me.

A lot of times, we take those little things like water, air, food, and shelter for granted. We are so used to having them around that we forget these are the basic necessities that make life worth living.

I remember been close to dehydration at a point on friday and immediately I got a sachet of water, I unconsciously let out a deep sigh that was followed by 'Lord thank you for water'

I'm Hurt, would the pain ever go away?

It's been two years since we last spoke, too long since we last saw but the memories are still firmly engraved in my heart and mind. It's funny how my heart could still beat faster at the thought of you.

Sometimes, I still want to hate you, more often, I want to hate me but none works.

And As much as it kills me to admit it, I miss you. But, No! I dont love you anymore. No! I dont regret the times we had. No! I dont want you back and Yes! I'm stronger,  eventually,  the hurt healed and the pain faded.

I hope you are happy. I hope you are really happy... God be with you.

Yours truly,
Sandra.

Hi there,  as you must have deduced from the letter above, my name is Sandra and once upon a time, I fell deeply in love with the most amazing person ever (or so i thought) but three years into the relationship, things went sour and we hit the rocks.

The love letter

A friend sent me this. It reminded me of primary school and childhood crushes (I'm sure alot of us can relate to it). I hope it makes you laugh as it made me...

Hi Eniola,
     Ever since you came to our school, I haven’t been myself. I have been feeling somehow, I think I’m in love with you.

So, I have commitment issues...

At the moment, I feel like a mess, I'm down with the flu and it ain't funny. It's like the Catarrh isnt just blocking my nose but also my head, mind, and whole body. Trust me, this ain't a cool feeling, I feel paralysed,  I cant even talk well... okay, enough with my whining... *takes a deep breathe; now feels more relaxed*

I'm in the mood to rant... yea, I know I usually dont do that here but guys just humor me okay? Thank you.

I want to talk about relationships, commitments and all the likes...

I feel like I have commitment issues, you know the phobia to settle down (yea! I know I'm young and all but it's never too early prepare and set plans for the future right?).

Loving God

○All things work °together° for good to them that LOVE God (Rom 8:28)
○Ears have not heard, eyes have not seen, no heart has conceived what God has in store for those that LOVE Him and °work according to His purpose°. (1cor 2:9)

I wager that you noticed the similarity between the two scriptures above is 'The love of God' (Both scriptures are promises that applies to only those that Love God).

Are we really living as Christ disciples should live?

How would it be if the only messages preached are those centered solely on Christ?

What if pastors teach only Christ? I mean Just the Man - Jesus -, how he lived on earth, what he did on the cross, his love, the efficacy of his blood, or grace through faith in Him - Jesus.

What if we stop hearing teachings of prosperity and success? What if we all stop being Christians because of what is in Christ and instead be Christians because of who he is. I mean can we love Jesus and be his disciples because of His personality, his authenticity, His Love and what He did on the cross and not because He can heal us, provide for us, make us prosperous, or do miracles. Let's just love the Man and not the signs and works.

Whoever said Christianity is Hard lied

The beauty of a personal relationship with God is that you can fellowship with him regardless of the state you are in. That has it's root in the fact that God loves us in spite of us - our sins and flaws, not because of what we are or have or what we could become but in spite of our past, our messy dirty nature, in spite of the fact that we may never utilize the power in us, or use our potentials or fulfil destiny, in spite of our shortcomings, in spite of You - the real inner you - in spite of me.

He loves and longs for us so Come to Jesus as you are, Just as you are; with all the weight, pain, hurt, questions, flaws, faults, imperfect perfections, even if you just fornicated or had an abortion, even if you just stole, lied, cheated, or even if you just raped someone, Just Go to him and trust me on this, He'd gladly, most willing welcome you into his embrace. God needs no perfect being, he just needs one who wants to Love him.

Thank you

First let me apologise for any typo you may find here,  I just spent 2hours+ writing this and I'm too spent to proofread this long post.

Deep Sigh. Today is the last day of the year 2013 and since the year began to draw to a close, I haven't thought of this year without the Words "FROM GRASS TO GRACE" popping up in my mind and spirit.

Truly, God has brought me from dirt to glory. He has removed me from the grass and en-graced me. He has washed me clean and clothed me with the robe of righteousness, one I am very unworthy to wear but for His Grace and His LOVE.

I started this year being in dirt, I was seriously filthy (i'm still really filthy though). My life was one with endless episodes of stupidity, drama and absurdity. Right now, I can laugh at how dumb I was but then it wasn't funny at all - it was my life, I was liking it, living it and I was draining.
Oh! I had given my life to Christ months before but I wasn't life the Christ-like life. I'd cagbash in tongues today in church and immediately I get home I forget whose presence I had come from.
A couple of times, I'd cry and beg God to help pudge me of the ish, I'd feel PEACE and empowered to overcome but five seconds later, I'm back where I left off.

What are you leaving behind?

About a year ago, I met someone. I didn't like her at first, infact I hated seeing her - probably because then it felt like she had come to steal my friends away from me hehe! #memories (Story for another time tho) but with time we got close and I discovered how amazing she is.
Now, I love her to bits, to the stars and beyond, I love her way beyond this life (no homo o!).
She's been a great friend. She's been a confidant, She's been a Sister.
I didn't know I'd ever become close to someone as I am to her today, I've told her things, done things with her that I never thought I would.

But today she travelled (a 24hour flight) to another continent, to a country with 9hours difference in time with ours - Nigeria.

Getting over a Break up| *Your First love?*

Breakups can be very rough and tough...
The loss of a relationship can bring on intense heartache, Physical, emotional as well as mental stress especially if its a first love!

Uhhhhm! Sigh!

Nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love; its more like a shattered dream. You thought you'd spend the rest of your lives together. You made plans for the future. You have loads of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it's over, you're scared that you'll never find anyone to ever replace them, or maybe you're just afraid that you won't ever be as happy with someone else.

There are no miracle cures to getting over your first love but giving it TIME and Focusing on YOUR Needs.
The first step though, is accepting the fact that the relationship is over and start "LETTING GO'.

Ever Loved someone that didn't Love you Back?

Ever Loved someone so much that it seems no matter what they do you don't love them less?
Well, I have.
I fell in love with this person one time, and He didn't treat me right. He loved someone else more than he loved me - and he always said it. So Basically, I was the 'spare' - The one he used to keep warm because his 'love' was in another university.
There was this one time. I went to Visit him in His Hostel, and just when I was approaching his room, a girl (who'd I call AB) was leaving.
He said she was just a friend. I believed. Why would he lie? Afterall sincere enough to tell me about the other girl in another school.
Two weeks Later, I was in a friend's room sleeping. AB there too - she turned out to be a friend of my friend's room mate. I woke up to gist of AB Telling Her friend how 'good' My 'supposed Boyfriend is'.

Unshakeable Love

Laying in the dark
Thinking of all my slack
Wishing God would give me a knack
But yet,he still provides me with snacks

Wondering why I'm loved this much
When all I ever did was hurt,
I hardly even fellowship in his church
Yet I'm in his every thought

So many times I act unfaithful
Yet His Love is ever Steadfast
His gifts -which i worth not - are forever wonderful
It's not like I even Fast

I've been saved
Oh! It's by Grace
I'm always forgiven
Oh! It's called Mercy

He gives me what I don't deserve
Grace!!!
He gives me not what I deserve
Mercy!!!

Everlasting Love
Forever Peace

I'm not worthy but he loves all the same.

There's Strength in This Love

I remember looking at u and feeling this huge burst of energy Reverberating through me, It was like a mighty surge, My whole being began to quiver.

I was scared for a moment until I realised the feeling felt Good, it was simply magical.
As my whole body quivered, I felt Strong,whole and in that instant, I knew that whenever I'm with u, that as long as there's love in us, for us I Can Do anything and everything.

Being with you brings out the best in me and makes me want to up my game.

Later, when I pulled u close to me (in an attempt to cuddle), yet another burst of waves filled the atmosphere within me, it was stronger this time and I felt the weight I had earlier in my chest melt,that feeling in the pit of my stomach went away and was replaced with butterflies and as I closed my eyes in surrender to sleep I was convinced that there, right in your arms, is where I'm supposed to Be.

I feel Strength in this Love.

My best friend and my boyfriend they play me and they no send

"My best friend and My boyfriend they play me and they no send"

Psquare's song keeps ringing in my head as I think of the latest traumatising event in my life.

••••••••••••••••••••••

I had a Fixed class that saturday morning by 7am, so I woke up very early and left my hostel...
*Annoyingly, the class didn't start till 10am.
So I spent the three hours preceding the class sleeping (c'mon na, wasn't my fault, I slept late cause I was reading o and then had to wake early •shrugs•), and pinging (with my boo he he).

•••
Immediately the lecturer left the class, I packed my books and ran out. My mind was already in my hostel (my boyfriend was in my room, - had been  there for about an hour and half - my bestie was keeping him company though •Thank God• ).

••Immediately I got to my room, I felt funny.
My door was locked, so I knocked and my friend opened the door (only, it took her more time than normal to open the door) as a result, the funny feeling intensified a bit, but I deliberately decided against dwelling on it (turned out to be a wrong move).
When I entered inside, Josh (my boyfriend) was fast asleep (I think this fact calmed me down #smh), so I just chatted with Ann (my best friend) and then she said she was going to bathe, that she had choir rehearsals to Go for and that she was only still around because she didn't want to leave Josh alone (''awww, that's so sweet dearie'' I said to her).

She left, I got a little bored so I jumped on Josh's body in an attempt to wake him up.
The 'cutie' grudgingly woke up and bounced on me (I'm blushing at the memory).
We fought, laughed and he started kissing me (the rest is history ...he he *winks*).

He left 'later later later' after much ado (*winks*)
Ann came, gisted me about rehearsal, we cooked, ate and slept. 

* That saturday passed, didn't go back to it.

•.•.•UNTIL

A week later...

I was looking for my material desperately, Ann wasn't around to help me search.
I had scattered every where scatterable, searched everywhere searchable yet I couldn't find it.
I was already pissed.

I moved over to Ann's personal bag to check ( at this point I didn't care where I was checking provided I found what I was looking for).
In the process of searching, I found her dairy.

I couldn't resist opening it ( latest conc mistake). I saw lots of interesting stuffs (he he, sweet - at that point o) and yes! I had a deeper insight about my friend.

I kept reading and then I got to a page dated '4th May 2013' (the day I had that fixed class).
I started reading and I got to part that said "Josh looked really good, I was horny and he was looking at me like he had something on his mind. I knew nothing Should happen cause of Jopesi but... I'm terribly attracted to him and everytime I see him with Jopesi I get a little jealous.
            Jopesi is my best friend and I can't betray her but... I was still having this huge fight with my conscience when I noticed he was closer to me.
               Yes! You must have guessed, He kissed me and I responded, Gosh! it was the best kiss I had ever had. I couldn't stop kissing him and when his hands touch my breasts every thought and concern about Jopesi left my mind - Only thing I could think about was Josh.
We made out 'intensely', my clothes were already off (totally), his shirt had come off too, his zipper was down and he was about to remove his trouser when I heard a knock (I'm sure after the person who turned out to be Jopesi had knocked like thrice already).
               Sweat broke out already, I was nervous I had no idea how she'd react to the close door or to the the fact that I didn't answer immediately.
  *While I was panicking, Josh had already dressed up, he whispered he was going to pretend he was sleeping ( he did it perfectly well).
I just packed my clothes into my wardrobe, tied towel and opened the door to face my fate"

•.•Mehn! When I read it, I was mad, hurt and at the same time I felt nothing (no surprise though that I crammed the whole thing word for word)...

I read on, and she talked about her bad she felt immediately she realised what had happened, that she cried her heart out while bathing. She said, she almost didn't want to come back to the hostel after rehearsal cause she didn't know if she'd be able to stand seeing me. Summary is *She felt bad*.

But...

SHE NEVER TOLD ME!

AND NEITHEER DID JOSH!

Aaaaaaarrrgggghhhh! I'm mad, hurt, I feel ...
   ( Tears keeps dropping ), my heart is heavy.

~~~I haven't told them I know about what happened but everytime I see any of them I feel ...
They still carry on like nothing happened.. Aaaarrrgggh!

I dnt know what to do right now. I fear if I talk to them about it I'd kill someone.
I love them both still,  but its painful.

Who do I blame more?
Josh?  For coming unto her and then making out with me too after she had left (can you imagine the kind of mind he has? Kai!)
Or
Ann for betraying our friendship and submitting to her desire and never telling me about it (shoot! I eat with this girl, bath with her, sleep with her - like sleep in the same room with her *he he* ).
Isn't best friends supposed to be the one's to comfort us when our spouse messes up? *sighs*

Dunno!
Both I still love them both a lot.
I'm hurt, but no strength and urge to get angry and do something to them.

Love

Beauty and love are all my dreams
they change not with the changing day
love stays forever like a stream
that flows but never flows away...

Love is better than high birth,
richer than wealth,
prouder dan peacock,
loving and being loved the greatest delight
for love,my pride boasts...

Being loved gives u strength,,
loving gives u Courage.....

Never lose your humanity,love with all your heart but please don't abandon your Mind.

We can live without anything and everything except Love!