So, I have commitment issues...

At the moment, I feel like a mess, I'm down with the flu and it ain't funny. It's like the Catarrh isnt just blocking my nose but also my head, mind, and whole body. Trust me, this ain't a cool feeling, I feel paralysed,  I cant even talk well... okay, enough with my whining... *takes a deep breathe; now feels more relaxed*

I'm in the mood to rant... yea, I know I usually dont do that here but guys just humor me okay? Thank you.

I want to talk about relationships, commitments and all the likes...

I feel like I have commitment issues, you know the phobia to settle down (yea! I know I'm young and all but it's never too early prepare and set plans for the future right?).

I keep thinking about the unknown; how do I know I'm making the right choice? How do I know I wont get bored with this person in a few weeks,  or months? (I remember the day i became back from school, i was watching TeeVee with my mum when the 40th wedding anniversary of a couple was shown and I was like 'How the he** do you live with someone for forty years?' How?) How do I know I wont have my heart broken? Can anyone really be trusted?  How do I convince myself to accept someone new into my life? But mostly, how do I make myself work to make a relationship work? Because I feel like I dont have the strength to build anything (atleast for now).

The annoying part is there's so much guys loving me at the moment (cool guys tho). So it's like I have to choose (or not) but whichever way people will hurt and sometimes I feel this pressure - I'm graduating next year,  which means I'm getting old and have to be more responsible plus I'm sure by next year my mother will be thinking of her daughter marrying soon *rolls eyes*.
Well, I know what I want and dont want in a guy and I believe its pretty simple,  so maybe just maybe if I find someone that fits in exactly, settling would be easier right?

Anyway,  I think this phobia I have developed springs from past experiences... let me explain,
      Story no 1) I liked someone once, really really liked him. We were close friends for over a year, I talked about him everytime and so eventually he asked me out, I agreed (I mean it was well overdue) and then 5 days later (yes! 5days later), all the likeness disappeared (c'mon, we were pals for over a year and then in 5 days everything changes; is something wrong with me or what?)
     Story no 2) I fell in love with someone once (well, shit happens! Young people make mistakes) and it was really nice... The person loved me too, now we didnt exactly date but what we shared was off the hook but then one day, the person fell for someone else (how does that happen?) And so what we had went over the egde, I was hurt Deeply.
      Story no 3) Simply put: my 1st love kissed a girl in my present (well, he thought I wasnt looking tho; Secondary school bullsh***. Like I said young people make mistakes (at least I have learnt from mine)).

So you tell me, isn't this enough to have commitments issues?  And so, I ask again, how do u know you won't get hurt? How do you know one of you wont lose interest in a matter of weeks (or days)? How do you make yourself trust someone?

Okay, I know it's a limp of Faith... You pray about it (for those who believe in God) and just go in, believing all will be well, right?

°But really, how can you love today and dont love tomorrow? Beats me!°

Oh yea! I believe another reason for my issue is Standard. I know what i want and dont want... I do realise and accept that nobody is perfect and so I just want someone that loves God, can keep me on my toes, handle me (I'm a piece of work oo... dont be decievd) and someone who is imperfectly perfect enough to make me fall head over heels in love with him (well, he has to have sense, good sense of humor and be attractive (to me) for me to fall in love).

That brings me to another issue: Do people fall in love inside a relationship or before they get in?
I believe love grows (and should groom too); meaning as you get to know someone and spend time with them your love for them grows (and they should inspire you enough to make you grow as an individual). But the question I'm asking is: Do you go into a relationship because you like the person alot or because you like, are attracted to and probably love the person already?
    I prefer the latter,  that's why I believe in friendship before relationship. (omg! I just helped myself get an answer to a question that's been bothering me... shoot! Writing is soothing, it's learning for me -  sometimes I put something down before I realise I just wrote it and then I'm like 'wow, did that come from me?) Okay... back to the subject...

Eh, where was I? Oh yea. .. friendship before relationship... This is self explanatory right? I believe it's wiser to get to know the person first before you begin dating. No rush!

Okay, I'm tired... this flu isnt making life easy (by the way, TomTom does wonders,  it has made me feel a million times better)...

Enough with the rant... I'm just going to chill, face my books, my blog and all the important stuffs in my life and when the guy who'd make me commit comes, I'd date....
   Oh, I just remembered something Dilish Matthews (BBA, the chase winner) said on Instagram. She said: 'If you are looking for the love of your life, Stop!.. there'd be waiting for you when you start doing what you love'. In other words, Make your life count, live your dreams and as you do, love will find you.

Someone once said "your single years are very important,  use it to build yourself,  your career and your relationship with God... stop letting the search for love make you waste your single years. Especially the ladies, let love find you."
   I learnt, you should marry someone with like purpose to avoid conflict in marriage. Well, until you start living your purpose, a man or woman with like purpose wont come (like attracts like right?).

Specially for ladies:
Build yourself. A friend once told me (oh yea! This friend just started a blog,  please check it out www.someoflifesexperiences.wordpress.com and spread the news, she's got so much to share). So, the friend told me that (uhmm, I cant remember her words verbatim so let me just tell you the message I got)...
She taught me that a woman makes a man. She said we got the creative ability to make our man (and home) into what we want them to be, into what they want to be. She said she isnt looking for a perfect man, just one that loves God and one she can grow with. She said, if he doesnt dress right, speak right, she'd teach him. Majorly she made me understand that as a lady, I got the creative ability to build, help and mould my man (and home). Hence, I have to develop myself so much so as to enable me do the building and helping well.
Remember, behind every successful man is a woman!

Uhmm, I'm done here (and I just realised I ended up giving advice and sharing lessons... mehn! All I wanted to do was rant and allow you guys teach me via the comment box... Well sha, its all good.. °I have learnt that when you fill a vessel continuously,  it eventually gets to the brim and pours out. When you feed your mind and soul (with the right things) I.e. develop yourself, you'd begin to ditch out wisdom without even attempting to.°

Do me a favour, share your opinions and advice via the comment box and kindly Share this link. Also, go to the left side of this blog and subcribe to it, if you haven't and please dont forget to check out my friend's blog (www.someoflifesexperiences.wordpress.com). Lets encourage her pleeeeaaaassssseeeee..

     Much love!
#okbye!