I Just want to rant and be vulnerable; Just this once!

I'm scared...
I'm constantly living with fear. Fear of what you may ask? Well, I can’t even explain it. All I know is everyday I leave my house, I'm scared... Every time I begin to work, I'm scared...

I constantly feel my heart beat racing... I'm constantly working to prove those thoughts wrong... I'm just trying not to let fear stop me.

What if I tell you I'm still trying to figure myself out... What if I say, I don't know what I want to do with myself yet. What if I say, I worry too much?

Lol!

........I have fallen in love again! plus #15for15challenge

'The title is #wash'.

One of the best nights I have had this year was on Friday, one of the reasons was I was alone in my room (which though I live alone is rare a thing these days, I always seem to have someone around), and so I had time, serenity and space to mediate, listen and feed my mind. I started the evening by going through a new set of spoken words I acquired and for the first time in soo long, I found myself deeply ministered to, it was like God led me to the particular videos I kept opening. As I listened to the words, my spirit soared, I found myself fall on my knees and cry out to God, thing is I have some things bothering my heart and I mention them to God now and again but as I watched those videos, I knew it was time to gracefully kneel and cry out and as I did, I found peace, I saw love, I felt warmth. And Just as I about to sleep I came across a video of Janette..ikz of P4CM, voila! She was married....

The moments that changed my life.

I don't know the exact moment my life changed. Was it when I was at home giving my colleagues ideas on some ish? Or was it when I became the mediator between my colleagues and our boss? Or was it when I woke up that monday morning and realised,  I was really at the summit? Or was when it i was chosen to lead that little group even though i protested against it? Maybe it was when I unconsciously took up the responsibility to get my group (go team Red, hehe) in place so we could get to work or maybe it was when my group officially made me the leader or maybe it was when I got up on stage and began the presentation or maybe it was day that, over a year ago at a seminar where I met Alex and he gave him his card or just maybe it the day I finally put all efforts in sending my application or maybe it was that day over two years ago when I met Ejay because but for Ejay I wouldnt have gone for the meeting point and i wouldnt have met alex and I probably wouldn't be writing this.

Staying above your challenges

A million times I have asked myself how I went back to those things that keeps me from enjoying Christ. A lot of times I wonder how challenges/temptations I had once overcome can resurface and hook me down.
I use to think that once you overcome something, it's done and dusted. I thought none of the issues that God has helped me deal with can ever come up again and then make me struggle.
Well, in a lot of ways I was wrong but out of my ignorance God has brought forth wisdom. Now I know better and now, I want to share what I have learnt.

I AM is with You

As I prepare to leave for my exam this morning, I'm led to take a break and tell you that I AM IS WITH YOU. Regardless of what you may be going through or struggling with or what assignment you have to perform and how unqualified and unprepared you might be, I AM - THE LORD GOD Strong and MIGHTY - is with you.
You don't have to worry about anything or anyone, don't trust on your efforts just rely on I AM.
God says " I AM able to take care of you, no force or power can withstand me. Whatever you need, I AM IT - either I have it or I can get it, If it doesn't exist, I will create it. I have everything covered - I AM covering and protecting you, I AM standing with and for you. Relax for all time, because as long as I love you, I will be with you and of cause you know I'd love you till the end of time as my love isn't dependent on you."

Are we really living as Christ disciples should live?

How would it be if the only messages preached are those centered solely on Christ?

What if pastors teach only Christ? I mean Just the Man - Jesus -, how he lived on earth, what he did on the cross, his love, the efficacy of his blood, or grace through faith in Him - Jesus.

What if we stop hearing teachings of prosperity and success? What if we all stop being Christians because of what is in Christ and instead be Christians because of who he is. I mean can we love Jesus and be his disciples because of His personality, his authenticity, His Love and what He did on the cross and not because He can heal us, provide for us, make us prosperous, or do miracles. Let's just love the Man and not the signs and works.

Thank you

First let me apologise for any typo you may find here,  I just spent 2hours+ writing this and I'm too spent to proofread this long post.

Deep Sigh. Today is the last day of the year 2013 and since the year began to draw to a close, I haven't thought of this year without the Words "FROM GRASS TO GRACE" popping up in my mind and spirit.

Truly, God has brought me from dirt to glory. He has removed me from the grass and en-graced me. He has washed me clean and clothed me with the robe of righteousness, one I am very unworthy to wear but for His Grace and His LOVE.

I started this year being in dirt, I was seriously filthy (i'm still really filthy though). My life was one with endless episodes of stupidity, drama and absurdity. Right now, I can laugh at how dumb I was but then it wasn't funny at all - it was my life, I was liking it, living it and I was draining.
Oh! I had given my life to Christ months before but I wasn't life the Christ-like life. I'd cagbash in tongues today in church and immediately I get home I forget whose presence I had come from.
A couple of times, I'd cry and beg God to help pudge me of the ish, I'd feel PEACE and empowered to overcome but five seconds later, I'm back where I left off.

My Deepest Fear ...

What's your deepest fear?
I'm scared of loneliness. I'm scared I'd have no one who cares around, I'm scared everybody would leave at the end of the day. I'm scared the one's I love most would hurt and abandon me, maybe I'd stop being good enough.
I'm scared of being a failure. I'm scared I'd disappoint my mum. I'm scared I won't be as great as everyone thinks, I'm scared the potentials we all see in me is just a fallacy. I'm scared I'd marry the wrong man. I'm scared I'd be a lousy mum, I'm scared I won't be able to protect and provide for my kids as I should.
I'm scared I'd walk out on God, maybe I'd just lose faith in God one day and become a mess, I'm scared God would get worn out from a life time of endowing me with grace and mercy, maybe he'd give up on me.

Imagine If you were the ONLY ONE in the Whole World...

I've been a little down lately (well maybe not a little). Anyway, I just haven't had any or enough motivation to do anything at all (even talking to God has somehow decided to seem like a lot of work *coversFace*).
Right at this moment,getting out of bed is like aaaaargggggh (and ts 2pm *covers face again*).
Well, I just realised one of the things wrong with me is lack of people around. For awhile I haven't being interacting with anyone out of social media and I believe it's taking a toll on me.
See I'm an introverted extrovert as such I'm not totally a people's person except it's necessary (and leaving my house is usually so much work) and still at home I'm always in my room alone, (except you count my bed, books, phone and computer as Persons)

Getting over a Break up| *Your First love?*

Breakups can be very rough and tough...
The loss of a relationship can bring on intense heartache, Physical, emotional as well as mental stress especially if its a first love!

Uhhhhm! Sigh!

Nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love; its more like a shattered dream. You thought you'd spend the rest of your lives together. You made plans for the future. You have loads of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it's over, you're scared that you'll never find anyone to ever replace them, or maybe you're just afraid that you won't ever be as happy with someone else.

There are no miracle cures to getting over your first love but giving it TIME and Focusing on YOUR Needs.
The first step though, is accepting the fact that the relationship is over and start "LETTING GO'.

A Visit to An Orphanage - The imprint it has left in My heart.|| An Urge For YOU to DO Something.

.I met Some Amazing people today..

They are all kids between the ages of 1 and 10 and they live in an orphanage home.

I and few of my friends embarked on a visit to an orphanage home today.
As the gate of the home opened, we were greeted with smiling faces of children, they all eagerly looked to see who had come into your abode.
As we proceeded to the reception to drop the items we went with and to get any information or rules we need to know and adhere to while we are there, a couple of the children ran to some of us and just hugged us (oh what Joy I know we all felt).

After the permission to play and interact with the kids were granted, we gathered around the kids, asked for their names and introduced ourselves. We then proceeded to play a few games with the kids.

The Joy that radiated from the kids touched me deep now, I saw how much of a home they had,filled with lots of brothers and sisters. They were eager to play games, to answer questions, they all wanted to be carried and played with -given special attention.
They did fight and quarrel, much like we all do with our siblings at home.
.......
Miracle is one Boy I got really fond of, he was actually the first to hug any of us. He's in Primary one and about 6yrs old. He's smart and willing to be interacted with. I bet that boy would have lots of Friends. He didn't want to let any of us go, continually gripped my hand or someone else's why we were there.

Doris, an exceptional girl. Cute and very smart. She loves phones, immediately I got out my phone she took hold of it and began snapping everyone, she also played snake game with my phone. We talked a lot, also argued - hehe. she is one amazing child. Takes instructions immediately, then comes right back and does what you corrected her for :D.

Susan, a girl affected with down syndrome. She doesn't talk, only smiles. She's very fine even with her deformity. I couldn't help but weep in my heart.

Mercy, another child with an infirmity. She's fat,dark and fine. Always smiling, loves to play. She's hears very well but doesn't Talk, instead her words comes out as sounds (that one could be understood though). She loved my hand band, kept looking at it, then when I gave her, her smile broaden.

They was Jeremiah, Angel, Success, Deborah, lynda, osahon and a few others.

They all were kids full of smiles,without a care in the world. Eager to play and even to pray (As when we wanted to share biscuits for them, we gathered around each other and almost every one wanted to Bless the food and to Ask God to Protect and Guide us).

.......

As we left the Home, a thousand thoughts played and fought for pre eminence in my head, a thousand words wanted to burst out of my mouth in expression of my feelings, but yet, Nothing came out. Yes! I was overwhelmed.

.This was my first visit ever to an orphanage home and it has left a lasting imprint in my heart..

......

As I lay down I write this, I'm Grateful for what I have. I'm thankful for my family, for my parents, For Me - just being me,as I am.

So many times, I complain about my parents, about my background, but looking at those kids today, I'm Grateful.

..I Know my biological Parents, I live with them, they Pay my Fee's, clothe me and feed me.
No matter how my relationship with them maybe, the issue is I have a Relationship with them. I know them and they know me and we are concerned about each other's welfare.

..Many times, I complain Life is unfair, because things don't Go the way I want. Yet! I know I have a future. I go to school and I know I'd be something great. I have HOPE for a better tomorrow.

..I get pissed when I don't find a particular food to eat, or when I don't have a particular clothe to wear. Yet, I'm not starved or naked.

...Today,I discovered that most of these kids in orphanage homes, ain't certain of a future. They live each day as it comes and are glad when someone steps in for a visit, for they know Food, clothes or gifts has come.
~Today, I am reminded of the children who didn't have the opportunity of knowing their parents, I'm reminded of the children who were dumped or who lost their parents at birth or very early in life.
~I am reminded of people,who live from hand to mouth. Who live each day hustling for food for that day.
~I am reminded of those kids that hawk. Those who steal,prostitute,smoke because they know no other way to live. Those kids who sleep under the bridges,and in uncompleted buildings. Those kids who are trafficked and can't come out of it because them being trafficked gives them food and shelter.
~I am reminded of those kids who live with their parents but yet haven't seen the four walls of a school before - Due to lack of finance.
~I am reminded of the widows who do not know what to do, because their husbands who is the bread winner has died.
~I am reminded of the young girls and boys who are into prostitution, armed robbery, kidnapping etc because they never had someone to give them advice, offer them kind words or give them hope.
~I am reminded of those kids who die in the process of hustle and yet never had someone preach the Gospel to them.
The list goes on and on.

.As I'm grateful for what I have, So have I decided to give these people Hope, to continually try and put smiles on their Faces, to Inspire and Motivate.

Be grateful of what you have, they are people that wish they had what you have.
You life is a bed of roses to someone out there.

I urge you, yes you reading this to Please, HELP SOMEONE TODAY.
~Reduce the size of your wardrobe and give those clothes to people who need them more.
~share your food
~Donate something, anything to an orphanage.
~Pay a visit and just put smiles on the less privileged faces.
~Help send someone to school.
~Get someone out of the street.
~Say A Prayer for Those who lack the little you have.
-Help support an NGO or a project that focuses on the people in slums, the orphans, the maltreated, The hawkers, The widows, the Less privileged.
-Volunteer, lend a hand.
-Give and idea
-Inspire, Motivate.
-say a kind word
-give a tip
-smile at someone
-Just DO something, Anything.

.your little effort could mean the world to someone.

The world would be a better place if we all agree to help our neighbours that we are better than.

.Our purpose as Christians on earth is to actually to serve God and help other people, to do good deeds.

?Please, Quickly Check eph2:10; james1:27; heb10:24?

.Love your neighbour. You can't love without helping, Without giving..

DO ALL THE GOOD YOU CAN, BY ALL THE MEANS YOU CAN, IN ALL PLACES YOU CAN,AT ALL TIMES YOU CAN, TO ALL PEOPLE YOU CAN,AS LONG AS EVER YOU CAN.