I Just want to rant and be vulnerable; Just this once!

I'm scared...
I'm constantly living with fear. Fear of what you may ask? Well, I can’t even explain it. All I know is everyday I leave my house, I'm scared... Every time I begin to work, I'm scared...

I constantly feel my heart beat racing... I'm constantly working to prove those thoughts wrong... I'm just trying not to let fear stop me.

What if I tell you I'm still trying to figure myself out... What if I say, I don't know what I want to do with myself yet. What if I say, I worry too much?

Lol!

Anyway, Growing up is hard business...

One day, you are strolling through life caring only about having good grades; next thing you know, you are a graduate and the sense of responsibility you have is craaazzzy... You know, that feeling or series of feelings and thoughts about what next... 

Where do I Serve?When do I do Masters? Do I even want to do masters? What course?What do I do while I wait to serve? What certifications do I pursue?How can I make money? I'm I building a career right? How best do I deal with clients? How do I draw the line between friend and customer?What are the priorities? Do I continue with that organization?

Growing up is hard business...

The hard work in between ministry and business and personal development...

Everyday, I'm here trying to leave my comfort zone... Trying not to get comfortable with yesterday's success. Trying to live above my fears and worries...
Everyday, I'm working to be better. To keep up with my crazy schedule. To clear out my to-do list.

But in the midst of all the hustle and bustle and juggle...I'm reminded that God is intentional.

Its ironical how one can be so worried and scared and very stressed and constantly multitasking and yet, be so much at peace.

It’s amazing how God finds little ways to remind me every day that he has got me covered. That he is working behind the scenes...

He reminds me every now and again that he knows the end from the beginning and so even though, he hasn't revealed the full plan and purpose to me yet; even though I don't have clear picture yet.. He knows and he is behind the scenes ensuring that the stage (the needed stages are set) and so at the end, the climax would be epic.
I swear, God amazes me... Every day he fixes a tiny part of the puzzle. Bringing opportunities my way.. Opportunities I don't look for, or stress to get... They just pop out.

God is intentional and he knows what he is doing.. Forget the disappointments, the hard times, the challenges, the good times, the victories.... Just leave it all to God... Everything would work together for your good... God is intentional.

lol! No I'm not writing to teach, preach or even inspire... This post is just me ranting, so lets not get carried away.

I'm learning to trust him more every day.
I'm learning to listen to him more everyday; to walk more with him..
I'm learning that I'm not self sufficient and that the more God placed in my life are important... God is intentional..The greatest life strategist ever. He deliberately puts people in our life at certain times to help us with certain projects and to lead us to certain opportunities.
I'm learning to ask when he says so. To remember that these people are filled with the spirit and with wisdom.
I'm learning to Learn, unlearn and relearn. I'm learning...deliberately, steadily.

I'm learning that Focus brings impact. I'm learning to concentrate on the needful; to focus on what is expedient. I'm learning that even as a multi potentialite, putting all energy into one endeavour would produce faster and greater impact that sharing the energy between five different things especially since they is always room to diversify when one has grown and is stable.

I'm learning.
I'm learning not to listen to people... Lol! That's not true.. I meant, I'm learning to weigh everything I hear and allow the spirit of God tell me what to take and to drop. I'm learning not to rate knowledge by who is saying it but by what is being said. I'm learning that everyone has an opinion of you and what you should be and a lot of times, the opinion isn't even based on true Knowledge of who you are.
I'm learning not to pay too much attention to compliments or criticisms, because very few people know and understand me... Basically, I'm learning to live from within rather than from without. To not let compliments get to my head (too much) and to not let criticisms drop my spirit. To learn, unlearn, relearn and keep striving to be better.

To make mistakes and learn from them.
To love myself as much as God loves me.. To remember that he loves me regardless and in spite of and that he wants to use me mightily.

I'm learning to remember and be sensitive to times and seasons...
To not rush... Because in time, everything would fall into place and he would show up, ready for me as I would be ready for him.

Growing up is hard business but I got Jesus to make it all bright and beautiful in his time.

So, how has 2016 been so far? The year has been awesome... It hasn't been a bed of roses but it has been challenging, inspiring and fun. I'm looking forward to the rest of the year... I know God will keep blow my minding and that as i have already, i would continue and becoming a better me everyday.

Oh yes!!! Believe me, I think about this blog every day (I didn't abandon it; i never intend to but sometimes, we have to wait!) and today, I finally got to writing. Thanks to Suzanne for the inspiration.

Life is a journey, follow your own path, and maintain your lane... Learn, grow and Excel!!!!

I'd write a real post soon but hope you enjoyed the rant? Missed you too :D