........I have fallen in love again! plus #15for15challenge

'The title is #wash'.

One of the best nights I have had this year was on Friday, one of the reasons was I was alone in my room (which though I live alone is rare a thing these days, I always seem to have someone around), and so I had time, serenity and space to mediate, listen and feed my mind. I started the evening by going through a new set of spoken words I acquired and for the first time in soo long, I found myself deeply ministered to, it was like God led me to the particular videos I kept opening. As I listened to the words, my spirit soared, I found myself fall on my knees and cry out to God, thing is I have some things bothering my heart and I mention them to God now and again but as I watched those videos, I knew it was time to gracefully kneel and cry out and as I did, I found peace, I saw love, I felt warmth. And Just as I about to sleep I came across a video of Janette..ikz of P4CM, voila! She was married....

This threw me of balance, I was literally shouting and dancing, it was like the confirmation of all time. Okay, here’s the deal:  Janette did a spoken word poetry titled ‘I will wait for you’. In it, she talked on how she would wait until she finds the Godly man that she desires (and mahn! Her standards were high) and that even if God calls her to a life of singleness, she was going to gladly move ahead about her Father’s business – fulfilling purpose. Every time  I listen to that poetry, I find the courage, the faith to wait and not settle for less so when I found out on friday that she was married (like seriously, Janette has gotten a husband that has the characteristics she wrote about. The man who has the love of Jesus, the Passion of Paul, the attention to detail like Noah, the faith of Abraham, the heart of David, the leader like peter with wisdom like Solomon and the patience to deal with her stubbornness),  I was like that kind of guy even existed? It made me cry and  I asked myself, why shouldn’t I wait? I then went ahead and listened to her vows on her wedding day which was a poetry titled ‘I waited for you’. Like DAH!!!!!! Okay...I’m talking about this too much.

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Recently, I learnt something about Grace. Grace isn’t just about God forgiving us and loving us beyond and regardless of our imperfection but Grace is God using us regardless of how flawed our character is. Grace is manifested when God chooses to use you to bless and impact someone’s life regardless of your own personal struggle. In the last four months of this year, God has been using me far beyond my abilities, far beyond my reach and more than I, myself can comprehend. He has shown me greatness and used me to bless people and sometimes, when I hear these testimonies, I wonder WHO am I? Why me? I‘m the most flawed and imperfect person I know yet His grace chooses to manifest in me, His grace chooses to use me.

I’m here thinking about how much I have to do, how much responsibility is on my shoulder and I hear God say ‘I give you more than you can handle so my grace would be evident, so you know it wasn’t you and so you can lean on me knowing that by yourself you won’t be able to achieve NADA! I hear God say, when I give you more than you can handle, I give you the grace to go along with it. I won’t give you a responsibility and leave you stranded, I won’t fall my hand by allowing you fail (as far as you keep trusting me and allowing me work it out for you).

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This month for me started with so much excitement, I went for JAM Summit and literally, I blew my own mind. Damn! God is amazing. I remember PITA ministering and he said he remembered that the previous year JAM summit, his song was ‘he has a dream, a dream that one day he will be a superstar’ and as he sang, I saw a difference. The PITA of 2014 summit was different from the PITA of 2015 summit, 2014 a lot of people didn’t know him, 2015 his song Ebubedike was everywhere. In a year, I saw that PITA had transformed. I saw growth, I saw GOD and as he sang I began to weep because 2014 JAM summit, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself. I was just a child with potentials but in 2015 summit, just a year later, my life was totally different. My life was totally different, my potentials were becoming kinetics. I was different and the most glorious part was deep within me I knew that, this is the least I would ever be. There wouldn’t be a time I wouldn’t have something to do. There wouldn’t be a time my life would become stale. It may not seem like it, - as a matter of fact, I have no idea what happens in the next one month but I know God said the glory of the latter shall be greater than the formal and so, my best days are not here yet.

As I got back from summit, I went straight into the exam hall to write medical biochemistry exams and I saw myself struggle (Ironic right?). I saw myself struggle to read, I saw myself take coffee to stay awake reading mean while I can go all night and all day without coffee when I’m working on my laptop. I saw myself fight with my Spirit and my mind in the exam hall and there were even times in the hall, when I wanted to give up. There were times while reading when I wanted to stop and turn on my system, turn on my passion but no! I couldn’t. I had to press on. Yea! Press on and so, I saw God’s hand, pruning.

Teaching me to endure even when I don’t like something or when I am tired sick of something. I saw Him teach me discipline. Oh! Mehn! God is teaching me discipline. As a leader in Church, He is teaching me accountability, and discipline. That even when I don’t feel like it, even when I got my personal things to do, I have die to myself and do what is required of me. And Oh! Exam went on Great. I wrote and I see SUCCESS, not just because I read, nor because I remembered all I read because tell you true, there were times in the exam hall I forgot something I read the night before or the earlier that morning (meanwhile, ask me something Digital Marketing inclined and pray say i forget oo....lol) but simply because God did it even before I began writing my exams.

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I sit here, writing this and saying, I’m the most flawed imperfect lady I know but his Grace covereth all. I do nonsense, think nonsense and don’t know a mountain of things I should do but does God care? My Father is patient with me (as He is patient with you). God is here and we are taking it a step at a time, jejely jejely.....and every time (which is a lot of the time), I fall, He gently picks me up.

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I came into my room this evening and all I had in mind was to turn on my laptop and watch a movie or something but then I decided to watch a couple of motivational skits I collected from a friend recently and mehn! By the time I was done with just two videos (10mins later), all thought of lazing around and sleeping and just chilling for this week because the semester is over ran out of my mind like zap! I mean, I‘m not feeling well at the moment, - apparently I got a stomach infection (which is a very good reason to rest rest rest and rest abi? I pray ooo). I got to work. Nobody maketh great by lazing around. You got to toil, and toil. It’s not enough to dream, it’s not enough to have the talent. Brother you gotta work, you gotta train, you push yourself until you can’t go further. The difference between good and great is the extra the great adds. The extra time, the extra effort, the extra discipline. There’s never nothing to do - You haven’t met all your goals yet. You haven’t read all the books yet. You haven’t trained enough. My friend – Ebubay says rest is for the successful (Btw, Ebubay, if you are reading this, please call me. I have missed your voice). You have no reason to give up or rest. So you failed, well from the greatest challenges comes the sweetest victories. Keep trying! Don’t give room for mediocrity. Any day left doing nothing is day away from the big break. 

WOW! I have written so much already! I have had writer’s block for soo long and I can say now, that the block just lifted. It was so much fun writing this.

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Two extra amazing things happened this month: I reconnected with my paddy of life. I was sooooo nervous about seeing her again after a year and plenty drama between us but we saw and somehow somehow, we reconnected like we didn’t have so much in between us. I swear! I missed you Ejay! .......And Omotine (if you get to read this, hehe!) I’m wondering why I have you on my mind soo much, it is annoying but well, lets see..... Ts been ‘new’ meeting you, haven’t made a new new new friend I connected with for no reason in awhile.

Will smith said ‘IF you and I are on a race, its either you give up or I die because I aren’t giving up neither I’m I allowing you win’. Be willing to give your best to achieve your dream!

Duru, Thanks for the 15 for 15 challenge. It has made sure, I wrote atleast once every month.

YAaaaAAay!! I’m Back... Missed Me?

Much Love!!!