My Marriage plans

I'm a girl with big dreams and great potentials. There is so much I want to achieve, so much I want to do and impact. At the point when it seemed like I had so much clustered in my mind and thus, no definite career plan, I took time out and wrote down everything I had in mind. Then, I made lists - a list for the things that came naturally and thus would need just a little brushing up here and there,  a list for those that needed professional trainings and or tutorials, and then the academic list. I then went further and set a timeline for each of them

(the foundations not full blown implementations) and of cause, wrote down a combined priority list, having in mind the timelines and requirements.

At the end the exercise I was able to come with a 4/5year plan that had a large focus on getting equipped - before full blown implementation. It was, it is a great feeling having an idea of how things would run.
I'm fully aware though, that over time, some things may come up while others move down than the priority list, some maybe even completely leave but the fact is, I have a clearer picture.

When I was planning, I put school (my final year), NYSC year, masters and all that statutory academic stuff in mind (and on the list) but I noticed that I couldn't decide when I would like to get married and no, it's not because I haven't seen the guy yet, I think its mostly because marriage is not all that a priority for me. I tend to put my goals and dreams before marriage. It's creepy but then I'm not normal :-D.

Most kids my age, have an idea of when they would like to marry - most boys fall between age 27 to 30 while most girls fall within age 23 to 26 but me? Everytime I try to decide, one part of me says, 'do you want to get married while trying equip yourself with the necessary trainings and all?'
Another part says 'but if you wait till you are ready to fully implement then you would be looking at 26/27'.
The first part comes back and says 'ihmm, No na!You want to marry really early right?' (My mind is always having a confused conversation with itself - its fun and enlightening though).
Thus, in the last two weeks I have caught myself somewhat brooding on this subject. Eventually though, I let it slide - I had to give my overanalyzing deep thinking mind a break.

But truth is, I simply  accepted that one can't plan everything. We don't have full control over time or chance, thus, no matter how we try, somethings would just happen (marriage for me would just happen).
So, my dear, if you happen to be like me, just Chill. Allow Time tell, allow God work. You can't compensate for everyone's mistake. You can PRAY for everything but You can't plan for everything or make everything work just as you want it - be it marriage or the Job you would get and when or when you conceive or when that idea explodes.

So, Do what you can, sketch the plans you can and allow God work time and chance to make the others concrete. In time, all things would work out, everything will be sorted out. If it's not yet okay then be rest assured that's you aren't at the end yet.

On the subject of Girls and marriage. I was reading a blog post today when I remembered Chimamanda Adichie's TEDx talk on Feminism. In her speech, she said how girls are taught to aspire to marriage hence they are taught to cook and clean while boys are taught to aspire to success thus, most families prefer to send boys to school or to learn skills. She said girls are brought up to be weaker vessels depending on men for practically everything.

Of cause, there's nothing wrong with bringing girls up to cook and clean, what's wrong is not giving them equal chances at success or in the labour market. No wonder, 80% of success stories in practically all fields are of men.

People tend to even castigate the females that thrive for success and fulfilment in places other than home making, saying that they are intimidating/driving men away but Chimamanda said something that struck me. She said "Any man that is intimidated by her is exactly the kind of man she wouldn't get attracted to" (Epic right?!)

When she said that I was like Yaaaaaaaaay! I know right! Woooord!

Why do females reduce their standards and worth just because they want to marry? Why play dumb so men won't feel insecure? Why kill your dreams just so men wouldn't get intimidated? Why?

God has endowed every female with passions, dreams and potentials just like He has to males. He deposited inside us the same creative ability as He did to males. He gave us great imagination and ideas. So, Why don't we honour God by utilising that which he has put inside us rather than downplaying ourselves to please men? Why not aspire to your fulfillment rather than live for men?

The truth is, men are lucky to have women in their lives. Remember the bible says 'He that findeth a wife, finds a good thing'. In my opinion, Good isn't great until a woman (a good woman) comes in / the bread isnt buttered until there is a good woman (take it or leave it :-p).
Thus, do not play dumb to please a man. Be your amazing self. Be successful. Be happy.  The sensible man who isn't threaten by a woman's success, who would love to say ' That great lady is mine' will show your way.

Take it or take it: Real men don't get intimidated by successful women rather they are challenged to do more, to be more as they thrive to keep great women in their lives.

To wrap up the girl-marriage talk i'd say a married lady is only truly and completely successful when she effectively manages her home and her career. When she is a great helpmeet, friend, lover, propeller and support to her husband; a great mum, teacher and source of inspiration to her kids and simultaneously a great businesswoman/CEO/Employee/Trainer/Professional etc etc.

Much love...!