RANDOM MUSINGS!

Its been forever. I'm sorry I haven't written since. I have a million excuses but none is reason enough - as no matter how busy we are we should always find time for that which we have committed to.

Well... Right now, I'm just going to talk - to gist... I don't have that one in mind so I would just write as it pops in my head.

WARNING! This could be a very confusing post. You may find rants, silly questions, non relating subjects in same paragraphs, random gist, or lessons.... So just try and go with flow but keep in mind, Its from a clustered confused highly sensible mind.
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I feel like I'm writing this post just to break the silence on here or maybe I feel writing - no matter the content - will bring writing back for me. I'm not sure if it's writer's block or the inability to focus my thoughts as I have a zillion and more things going on in my head, in my life -responsibilities -, and its all seeming to cluster or maybe its just that I have not made the effort to sit down, zoom out and zoom in or maybe because I have been trying to put stuffs in place in my responsibilities areas and so I dropped writing and settled for idea development and work progression and uhm table clearing (what am I saying?).

For the past week, Airtel has been frustrating me. I don't know what I did (I'm truly sorry if I did something), all of a sudden my network went AWOL. Everyone around would have great network and I would be struggling to find egde. This issue has almost made me cry like twice. Its frustrating. My life is almost on the Internet, I freaking need internt for practically every thing I do and so not having a good connection sucks big time! The annoying thing is sometimes I get this great 3g and immediately I connect my hotspot to my laptop, it will disappear, even GPRS would become hard to find. At first, I strongly believed it was spiritual because it started when I wanted to work on something for my fellowship. The days I and my assistant chose not to work, I would find great network all day but the day we chose to work, my network would disappear and we couldn't use hers. Because of the network issues, we did practically nothing. I'm back home and somehow, Airtel which was so great in my house before I traveled to school last week is now terrible - network will be vanishing anyhow.

I'm not sure how pharmaceutical industries think. Why can't they produce drugs that would cure without killing you first? I suspected I had malaria two weeks ago but typical me I didnt say anything. (I actually tell people that I don't take drugs until I feel I would die if I don't). Anyway, at first I was just suspecting, but by last week tuesday I knew I was ill but I didnt tell anyone. I wanted to get back home befor saying anything. Sunday evening,  I told my mum and yesterday she got me drugs.
Before I took the drugs last night, I was okay... yea! I knew the malaria was in there but I also knew I could go 2weeks more and still not break down (but part of maturity is taking care of your body and health right? Exactly why I told mum to get me drugs). I took the first dosage last night and right now, I'm a mess. I can barely stand. I literally can feel and taste the malaria and I'm wondering, ' Why cant pharmaceuticals make drugs that just cure straight? WHY do I have to die before I feel relief?'. Funny, I just remembered that scripture that says 'He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.' ( Does it even relate to this subject? Sighs!)
Well, i guess pharmaceuticals believe that out of your deepest pain and hurt could come the greatest gain or rather, disappointments could be blessings in disguise or better still, after the night comes morning.

I think the most frustrating thing aside bad or no Internet connection is being broke.

I'm confused. I see graduation yet I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. NO! That's not true.
I know with deep certainty what I want to do with my life, I know the things I would do but my problem now is not knowing what to focus on or rather which is first/priority. One time, I was waiting for 'the word' but then My pastor reminded me that Man proposes and God deposes... He said Man plans first, then God looks at the plan and adds or minuses. He then said, "Miss Peace, try it out. Go and plan then take it to God afterall he has given you the outline right?" And so, I'm trying to plan but eh, it is not easy o. I have so much, so much passions and potentials that I'm not sure which to put first. Looking within is the greatest thing but it aint easy.
You know, this is one of the most phases in a man's life right? Its like when you are about to get married (what am I saying, sorry forget I said that).
Its funny, one person says 'Peace, why the rush? Take life as it comes'. Another says 'You are so young, in time everything would be clear'. Yet another says 'I'm proud of you, this is a very important phase in your life but its amazing how far you have come already, a lot of people take yearssss to figure out their passion/passions and yet your hurdle is fuguring out the plan' but I feel my heart beating fast, urging to know. Its not like I want to decide on a full blown plan. Nah! Just like a 5year sort of thing, well I got it figured already, kind of, the issue is priority setting. I need help, advice, counselling, something! I'm confused right? I know :D

Oh yea! I think I have finally decided on the course to study during my masters and the university I would like to do it at.

Did you know that finding an apartment is not easy? And when you finally do, how do you know its the right one? I guess its that 'ok gut feeling' you would have, that assurance in your spirit that its okay. The way I love the leading of the Spirit eh. Its just super nice knowing that you can have all knowledge and understanding and know God's intent for you and the right directions as long as you trust God's spirit inside you.

Do you know that one of the most comfortable places to think and even to write is in the toilet?

One thing I learnt recently is that Patience is indeed a virtue and that you dont need to react to anything and alot of times, it is wiser to keep quiet when angry.
I had an angry sunday. It was like the universe was conspiring against me. I had four major points on sunday - before service, during service, after service and journey back to benin and at every point something or someone did something very very annoying. Its amazing how I got through the day without breaking someone's head (not literal though).

Everday I encounter stupid boys (no offense).... The area boys who see you walking down the street and tells you 'Fine girl, can I give you a leg?' Or 'My friend (when did we become friends biko?) how are you? you are looking nice, I would like to talk to you again (a lot of times they don't even get the english correct) or the ones that see a girl walking and they begin to call all the English names they know - 'Faith, sarah, jennifer, favour, success, joy etc'. I have tire for them I swear.

I have this meeting on Friday/saturday that I'm seriously looking forward to.
#deliberatetraining

Sometimes its hard when you make plans and something destroys it and then trying to get back on track proves futile but I chose to believe that ALL things, ALL THINGS walk together for GOOD. Its not easy but its something true and worth holding on to.

This post is Long! I'm sorry.

Who knows what it means to be emotionally too stable?

Be careful what you give yourself to, what you explore/experiment because some things have a lasting impact. You may stop it but may always deal with the impact and sometimes, it could change you forever.

I swear! Writing is therapeutic!

The TRUTH is : God loves you beyond reason.
The Other Truth is : THE STATE OF YOUR MIND DETERMINES THE STATE OF YOUR LIFE. Your thoughts will determine your attitudes and decisions, Your thoughts determine your life.
If you want a positive life... Fill your mind with postivity (read great books, the Bible, attend great Seminars, have Amazing postive conversations, get great 'gingering' friends etc), Think about what you think about - control your thoughts, think of that which is pure, inspirational, wise,  right, admirable (see Phil 4:8-9).

PROVS 23:7 'AS A MAN THINKETH SO HE IS'. Your can't become something beyond the content of your minds/thoughts and beyond the realms of your Knowledge and understanding. It springs from inside you.
You cant even talk it if it isnt within you.

○Success is a journey. It will take a while to get there but once you arrive, there's no going back.
So, before you arrive,  Enjoy the journey. Learn as much as you can.  Have Fun.  Have great conversations but most importantly, don't give up. Keep going. In time, you would arrive.○

●As you grow, some friends will go. Don't fret, It's a good thing. Remember, we need to excrete waste to give space for healthy food to come in.
Do yourself a favour, allow those who walk away to stay away. You don't need plenty friends you just need great friend(s). By the way, Some friends are just for a phase.●

Oookay.... I'm done!

Much love

PS: Its my Mum's Birthday tomorrow! (30th Oct) Yaaaaaay! Who wants to call her to say happy birthday? Hehe! May God bless the Woman that give me life.