How our thought pattern affects our lives.

Once upon a time my mind was filled with a lot of negative thoughts. I felt everyone around me was insensitive and uncaring. I was miserable and felt really lonely.
Somehow my thoughts graduated from being one of loneliness to anger. I picked at everything and barked every opportunity I had. This drove the people around me further away. And the more the distance between us, the angrier I got. I was angry at my parents, siblings and even God.
My moods swung every 30seconds or even less, depression was the 'order' of the day. Truth be told, I can't remember how or when this thoughts of loneliness began, I just knew at one point that, my feelings had become gloomy and I had mostly bad foreboding thoughts. *sigh*

Well, I got really tired of my life. I just wanted to be happy again. I just wanted to love being around my family, I wanted to feel loved. So, I went to God and asked for his help.
I remember telling him to make me lovable and to teach me to love my family even with their flaws (insensitivity and uncaring nature), I didn't like being angry cause it always left me feeling empty, torn and numb, so I begged him to help me overlook things and to learn to tolerate. Shoot! I cried, like seriously I was hurt deep and baring my heart out to God just revealed how deep the wound really was. Well, after the crying and pleading episode I felt better but unfortunately it didn't last.
The minute my mum walked in later that day, that bad foreboding feeling and thoughts of saying something that'd hurt her or not obeying any of her instructions came running back. In no distant time I felt even worse than I did before praying. This (praying, asking for forgiveness and help and then feeling better but the whole negative thoughts and feelings coming back after a while) continued for a long time until one day.
I was in the kitchen, trying to prepare dinner while mumbling and grumbling to the walls (you know I felt I shouldn't take care of them since they were insensitive what happens to me) when I heard a voice within (I believe it was the Holy Spirit) that said I should just try changing my attitude towards my folks and they just 'might' change their attitude towards me too. "uhm. How would I do that? Would it even work?" I thought and while I was still pondering on the message I got more clarity and understanding.

The Holy Spirit taught me that I was depending on people to be happy that's why I was feeling so miserable. He said he understood that it could hurt if people around you seem not to care but I shouldn't allow that damper my happiness and I surely shouldn't try to repay them back with bad. He said I should stop caring about whether people cared for me or not, that it didn't matter because the author of life loves me more than anything or anyone, he cares for me and he's all I could ever need. So he advised me to love everybody no matter their attitude and feelings towards me. He said I should treat everybody right and think good thoughts about them. He said if I changed my thought pattern, my feelings would catch up with my thoughts and ultimately my attitude will change. He also said the devil was using my mind to destroy my life.
You see, the mind is a battlefield, the devil throws thoughts and imaginations to us and that destabilizes and can ruin us because as a man thinks so he is/so he will become. So when we think bad and unedifying thoughts, our feelings become in alignment with those thoughts and our attitudes and words will catch up also, in time.
He advised I stop thinking loneliness and thinking (or accepting that my folks were insensitive). Basically he told me to become disobedient and rebellious towards my feelings and even what I perceived as facts and instead choose to think, believe the opposite and act like I was loved and cared for and bla bla bla.
Truthfully it sounded absurd and out of place and very 'annoying' to me but I love the Lord too much to out rightly disobey him, so I decided to give it a try.
I started with stopping the grumbling episode and try to prepare dinner with a loving mind-set. Mehn! I had to come up with a lot of sweet imaginations and fantasies but when it seemed like there weren't working I put on my phone and played some really cool praise songs (yea, that helped).
By the time I heard mum's car drive into the compound I was feeling good. I went to greet her and carry her bag with renown enthusiasm but the minute I opened the door and saw her that bad foreboding feeling came rushing back. Still trying to ignore it, I walked over and greeted her but something in the way she answered me made me feel angry and so came all the nasty thoughts. I later got in my room feeling angry and miserable and unloved but this time, somewhere inside of me was this sense of hope that things will turn out right (I guess it was knowing that the Holy Spirit never lies and that God actually still had my back - c'mon he had spoken to me earlier na, so he actually is in it with me).
After that day I kept fighting my thoughts and feelings, whenever I felt bad or the thoughts of no one caring came I'd deliberately stopped the flow and thought of something else instead (it was a struggle) but with time my miserable feelings had reduced drastically and loving my folks became easier.
I decided I was going to allow Jesus love through (and Jesus loves unconditionally), whenever it seemed to hard I'd mutter a prayer and remind the Holy Spirit that He was the one that put me up to it so he had to help me go through it (and he did).
Changing my thought pattern and hence my words and attitude wasn't the miracle, the miracle was when I discovered that all the flaws and faults I saw in my family wasn't as bad as I thought they were. I realised then that the devil had made me see them worse than they really were, he compounded the problem.
It was surely a miracle when I realised I could tolerate better, those things that use to make me bark and I started feeling loved once again, I don't know but it seemed when I became less gloomy, more approachable, less angry, more loving and attentive I got the same response from my family. Suddenly we could all sit and talk and laugh for hours, they seemed more responsive and yes, more sensitive and caring towards me. Once my attitude change, their attitude changed also. I acted and they reacted equally in same manner I acted.
It was then the Holy spirit led in my heart that I had overcome evil with good, I had won the battle in my mind against the devil, reclaimed my happiness and in the process built up my faith and dependence on God as I choose to think good of everyone and love them regardless hence putting my happiness in the hands of God as I learnt that only him could really care for me, love me and be sensitive and responsive to me as one ought to.
He then give me a tested and trusted theory that:
"1) If I change my response and attitude towards people and issues in my life, they'd also (automatically, maybe even unconsciously) change their attitude towards me as for every action there is a reaction but unlike in science the reaction would be in the same direction/manner and it may not be equal but there would be a change (maybe not immediately but in time).
2) My life goes in line/same direction as my thoughts (i.e. As a man thinks so he is and will become). Attitude and words are a reflection of one's feelings at that point in time and feelings are reflections of our thoughts. The decisions and choices we make are dependent on what goes on in our minds, the knowledge in our head, and the feelings in our hearts. If I think right, I'd act right and vice versa.
The devil knows of this theory that is why he goes out of he's way to corrupt our minds and throws disturbing and negative thoughts at us but we must decide to always stand up and fight against these devises of the devil and we can do so why choosing to think right, to think God.
The word of God is the best and practically only key to change your thought pattern and make it in line with your destiny in life.
I'm currently reading BATTLEFIELD OF THE MIND by JOYCE MEYER and it has seriously enlightened me on the tricks and ways the devil wages war against the plans of God in our lives by the engaging our minds in fruitless thinking and reasoning. The mind is a battlefield and the only weapon we have against the devil is THE WORD OF GOD. Not just reading The Word but using it IN PRAYER, IN PRAISING GOD, and also by SPEAKING OUT THE WORD as well as constantly MEDITATING and PONDERING ON IT.)
Rom12:2 says ". be transformed by the renewing of your mind ."
What that scripture tells me is that the transformation of my life starts in my mind. It's what happens in my mind that would determine my life. To be transformed 'rightly' we need to renew our minds and our minds are renewed by/with The Word of God.
Anyway, I'm a lot happier now and I know with all certainty that I'm loved and cared for (and not just by God but also by my family and friends). Truly, I can't fathom why I would have ever thought they didn't care about me. *sigh*
I'm glad I sought God's help and that I took the advice of my Comforter. It feels good to know God did hear my pleas and came to my rescue and in the process taught me one of the greatest lesson ever.